Whether you are in a flatshare or at home with family members, these are our new co-workers. Research tells us that generally we avoid conflict at work. At home, however, we seem to have less inhibitions.
Unfortunately, there are many frustrations that can result from the shared experience of living and working together. Here are some thoughts that may help you avoid getting this wrong.
It starts with you
While those around us may disturb our concentration and get in the way of our work, it’s almost always a two-way street.
Research tells us that, in the end, we can only really control ourselves. So, the first step on this journey is to recognise this.
Once we do, it is logical to approach this problem by:
Being mindful of our behaviour, and taking steps to moderate any unhelpful impact we have on others
Managing our reactions to what others do. It will help to plan ahead - we may be in this situation for some time!
Manage your phone behaviour
Perhaps the worst problem is phone/conference calls. No one else will want to hear them!
It's certainly a start to use headphones so that you remove the sound of other people on the call. But this is not really enough, as they will still hear you - there is something especially annoying to those in your home about hearing a voice they know well “droning” on in the background.
This can be hard to manage, not many houses are big enough to cope with 2 or 3 people making calls at the same time and using the garden just moves the annoyance onto your neighbours. So, as we say, plan ahead.
Where possible find a place where you can’t be heard or try and manage the timing of calls.
But, perhaps most of all, moderate your volume. People naturally tend to raise the volume of their voice when on a call. This is not necessary. The people listening have a volume control or can ask you to speak up if they can’t hear. As is so often the case, less (volume) is more.
If necessary, take turns
If you are living with other people in a smaller home, there may be issues about who gets which workspace.
Be clear on who gets the table, the window view and the office chair.
In a house with limited resources it is important that you sort out what’s what. Perhaps take turns or operate a shift work system (with one of you starting work earlier and the other later). If you can, plan calls so that you do these at different times and give up the desk to the other person for a while.
Coping with noise
Other people are not necessarily going to stop their normal behaviour just because you are working nearby. They won’t be aware of your tight deadline or important call. Take control and find a way to manage the impact of other people’s noise:
Set reasonable expectations of the situation, so that you can reduce your own frustration. Other people are going to want the radio on, emptying the dishwasher isn’t a quiet activity, the dog will bark when the postman comes!
Only ask for quiet when absolutely necessary and for the most important times
If you need to go into a zone of deep concentration, set some time for conversation first. Someone may have a burning issue to discuss (what’s for lunch? / when are you going to mow the lawn?) and being proactive gets this discussed and keeps everyone calm.
Once you have covered these issues off, you will find people more forgiving if you say that you are going to be unavailable for the next hour and a half.
Consider ways to mask other people’s noise. Some people like to have headphones on, either noise-reducing or playing music. Others find it helpful opening a window and letting outside noises block out distracting sounds. Some offices have been using white noise for years, perhaps you could even have an untuned radio on quietly, nearby.
Live in harmony
And finally a few last thoughts:
Your co-workers may be having all sorts of frustrations of their own they may want to talk about. So make time for a few conversations to allow them (and you) to let off steam
Make a plan to share housework and cooking. All the normal hoovering, washing up, etc. needs doing after all, and you could do without anyone (including you) stoking up burning resentment as the day progresses
Talking of which, if anything starts bugging you about a co-workers behaviour, find a calm moment in which to discuss this. Use all of your United Nations skills to think through how you might word your first sentence so that you don’t cause a negative reaction. (Good luck with this one).
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